Well, here's the official day - March 31, 2010... 15 days after my 35th birthday. My surgery is schedule for 7:30am, Louisville time. My whole life is going to change that day. The surgery changes everything about my life, and I'm praying that they will be good changes. It's going to take some big adjustments in how I eat and drink, what I eat and drink, when I eat and drink, but if it allows me to stop taking 10 pills a day, and gives me the energy I so desire, it will be MORE than worth it.
I realized today that I have no idea what's it's like to NOT be overweight. That's also going to be an adjustment. I've always been the biggest person in the room. I don't remember what it's like to shop in a section or a store that isn't for plus-size. I've never really crossed my legs. Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead. I'm just curious about what life is going to be like in my post-op world.
The other think I got to thinking about today is all the "what ifs" that might go wrong. It's not that I'm worried about living a life with the Lap-Band, but I'm worried about what if there's something wrong in my pre-op testing and they say at the last minute, "Oh, sorry, no surgery for you." What if I'm being selfish in doing this and God punishes me? What if I go through all this and I'm the one person who sees no results? What if I go through this, and still no man finds me attractive? Am I cheating by getting the Band? Am I failure because I can't lose weight with diet and exercise alone?
There's just so many questions going through my mind that no one can answer. In my heart I know I'm doing what I need to do to get healthy. I'm going to lower my blood pressure, cholesterol, get my hormones in check, straighten out my blood sugar, and stop my acid reflux. I know it's all going to work out as God has planned, I'm just nervous and excited and thinking about what the future will hold.
Until next time,
Jenn
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